Brown-nosing Doesn’t Pay

If you met Ted Painus, you’d like him right off.  He has that kind of bubbling personality that just makes you feel better.  He’s always running around like a beaver … Talking and laughing with everybody.  Ted’s a lot of fun to be around.

Ted, Frank and I were the Troopers from our area who had been assigned to work a football game in Raleigh.  On these types of duties, we would normally meet at the Patrol Office, gas up our vehicles and then drive our individual cars (together) to the assignment.  The three of us had agreed beforehand to do that.

Early in the morning, Ted and I met at the gas pumps.  But where was Frank?  As we were gassing up, Ted noticed that Frank had signed the gas log about an hour earlier and had then taken off without waiting for us.   Ted got mad … And his face turned red.

“That SOB has taken off and left us and I know what he’s doing.  He thinks that if he gets up there first, he’ll get the best assignment … But don’t worry Bryan, I was in Raleigh last week as an instructor at our Patrol School and I’ve got a lot of contacts.   Frank’s not gonna screw over us! … I’ll make sure we both get a good post.”

He and I took off for Raleigh.  When we arrived at our staging area, a large parking lot, I didn’t recognize anybody.  They were mostly newer Troopers and Supervisors from other parts of the state … I didn’t know a soul!  Ted went his way and I went mine.  I just assumed he was sucking up to somebody to get us good assignments.  Before long, the First Sergeant who was in charge formed us all up and read out our duties.  I was assigned a pedestrian crosswalk and a major intersection, and Ted’s assignment wasn’t much better …  We were both going to be working our tails off.  After he’d read out all the assignments, the First Sergeant loudly asked…

“Any questions?”

“Yes First Sergeant, I’ve got one!”  Immediately, I responded. “I came up here with Trooper Painus … And he told me that he was gonna make a contact and get me a good post.   I was just wondering where that good post is.”

It got really quiet.  In the stillness, I glanced over at Ted.  Nobody knew how to take it … Except Ted.   His head turned as red as a beet.  And then he slowly bent over forward and placed his face between his knees. What was he doing down there?  I‘ve seen and caused all kinds of reactions, but never anything like that.  Finally, the silence was broken by laughter.



Since then, Ted has focused more on sharpening his brown-nosing skills.